Rebellion Ch.1

THE UNIVERSAL PANTHEON BILL OF LAWS

    I)                    THE PANTHEON IS ABSOLUTE. NO CIVILIZATION SHALL CHALLENGE THE PANTHEON.

    II)                  ALL CIVILIZATIONS WITHIN THE PANTHEON ARE EQUAL, INASMUCH AS THEY COMPLETE THEIR ASSIGNED TASKS.

    III)                THE PANTHEON WILL SPREAD TRUE CIVILIZATION ACROSS THE UNIVERSE.

    IV)               ANY LESSER PEOPLE THAT REFUSE THIS UPBRINGING SHALL BE FORCEFULLY SUBJUGATED FOR THE GOOD OF THE UNIVERSE.

    V)                 ANY LESSER PEOPLE THAT YET STILL REBEL SHALL BE TERMINATED AND WIPED FROM THE ANNALS OF TRUE HISTORY, SO THAT THEY CANNOT CONTAMINATE OTHER LOWER CIVILIZATIONS.

    VI)               GENETIC MANIPULATION OR TAMPERING IS FORBIDDEN.

    VII)             THOSE CIVILIZATIONS WHO DISOBEY ANY OF THESE LAWS SHALL BE TERMINATED AND WIPED FROM THE ANNALS OF TRUE HISTORY.

    Alexander Redgrave hummed quietly to himself as he sauntered down the street, his every step perfectly in time with the music coming from his headphones. A basket of groceries creaked at every swing, filled to the brim with fruit, meat, and enough candy to ward off a horde of hyperactive Halloweeners. Adjusting his almost annoyingly heavy bracelets, the weight always on the very limit of sensation, Alex licked his lips at the thought of the feast he would cook tonight. Tomorrow he was shipping off for active duty, and his entire family wanted to have one final party as a sendoff, especially so soon after his final successful surgery.

    Deciding to take a shortcut home through the park, Alex sighed slightly as the ground sank beneath his feet, his immense weight all but attempting to entomb him. Trudging through the damp ground, Alex made his way to the safety of the concrete walkway.

     “Man, I hate when it rains,” he muttered, kicking the mud from his boots, anklets shifting as he did so. Finally scraping off the remainder of the grime, Alex continued on his way, waving and smiling at the men and women giving him admiring glances as he passed. At this point Alexander was nearly skipping, his mind focused solely on what he was going to cook first, and what he was going to say to his family.

    That was when the drop ship decided to warp into orbit.

    Alexander’s first clue was the screaming. The fearful pointing helped a bit as well. Looking skyward as everyone else around him stampeded in a desperate attempt to escape certain death, he merely sighed.

    “Dammit. This was supposed to be a fun day.” Yelling at the steel behemoth floating ominously in the sky, Alexander cursed at it with every vulgarity he knew, and a couple he just made up on the spot. But today was just not meant to be his day, as an artillery cannon, apparently offended by his colorful language, slowly swiveled around to face the park, causing even Alex to stop his tirade for a moment. “Ohhhhh, fu-“  Alex managed before the artillery shell hit, a massive crater now the only reminder that a man once stood there.

    Alexander groaned as he pushed the remnants of the shell off him, slowly digging himself out of the mud, and accidentally dusted off the remnants of his clothes. “Dammit, that actually kinda hurt…” he muttered before he realized what he had just done. When he saw the state of his clothing, he looked up at the drop ship, now spitting out fighter ships like frogspawn, with nothing but sheer, unadulterated rage.

    “You bastards… THAT WAS MY FAVORITE SHIRT!” He roared, grabbing the artillery shell next to him, his fingers digging through the unknown metal like a sculptor’s hands through clay. Spinning to gain momentum, Alexander flung the shell back at the gargantuan drop ship, missing it completely but managing to clip 3 unfortunate fighter ships, sending them crashing to earth. Rage immediately replaced with joy, Alex raised a fist in triumph. “Holy shit…I actually hit something! YES!” He laughed, before scrambling his way up the sides of the crater.

     People began cautiously crowding around the remnants of the park, looking to see what could possibly have struck such a blow against the invaders. “A Hellion…” they murmured. “Look, a Hellion’s here!” “A Hellion! We’re saved!” the people cheered. Alex waved at the people reticently.

    “Yes, yes, thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all day. But before that, does anyone have any pants? Please?” The entire crowd as one started rummaging through bags, purses, anything that could possibly hide spare clothing. Alex even saw some brave soul prepare to sacrifice his own pair. Fortunately, some mother on the way back from the sports store had been buying a pair of sweatpants for her son, which she now thrust at Alex.

     “Thank you ma’am, your donation to the war effort is greatly appreciated.” He managed to say with a straight face while he put them on. “Okay, commando style is gonna take some getting used to…” He thought, as he tried to subtly kick his leg out to the side.

    Cracking his neck and rolling his shoulders, Alex walked through the throng of people, the masses parting before him like the Red Sea. “Excuse me, Excuse me, coming through, aliens to kill, body to throw into mortal peril, you get the idea, excuse me, pardon me…” Finally clearing the group of people, Alex flexed his legs, trying to judge the distance. Grinning and licking his lips in anticipation, Alex exploded upwards, concrete cracking below his feet as he rocketed towards the drop ship-

     …only to get t-boned by a fighter ship.

     Sent wildly off course, feeling like a human windmill, Alex managed to hit yet another ship, and lashed out with his arm for some leverage. His fingers dug across the plane’s wing with a sound like crinkling aluminum foil, stopping his momentum. The plane pitched violently before correcting its course, giving the world enough time to stop spinning before Alex’s eyes. Shaking his head like a dog, Alex zeroed in on the pilot with an evil smirk. “Oh hello there!” He said brightly, before anchoring himself with his other hand and finishing the job he had started, ripping off the right wing completely. Alex watched the wing disappear with the poor pilot. “Huh. That looked important, too. Well, see ya!” Ripping his arm away, pulling as much engine and wires as he could, Alex cheerily waved goodbye as he took off once more, using whatever poor airship he happened to crash into as a stepping stone to the next one, in the world’s greatest game of hopscotch. “Who wants to play galactic pinball next?!” Alex roared as he brought his hands together over his head, ready to spike the next airship straight into earth.

    However, Alex pulled back just in time as he noticed this one was clearly a friendly, and instead of acing the serve, thankfully only ended up being rammed himself by the fat, flying bomber. The air rushed from Alex’s lungs as he struggled to breathe.

     “Oh…that one…hit riiiight in the solar plexus. Oh God.” Coughing, Alex gave a thumbs up to the pilot to signify that he was okay. Then, pointing upwards to the drop ship, then to himself, Alex tried indicating that he wanted to go up. From flexing his muscles, to imitating a bird flying, Alex did everything he could in his little game of charades to indicate he wanted a ride. Finally getting the message, the pilot snickered before pulling upwards. If he strained himself, Alex thought he could just hear an exasperated “Hellions” from the bomber’s pilot before their ascent. Smiling appreciatively, Alex crawled his way up to the top of the plane, trying not to damage anything. Alex hummed ‘Flight of the Valkyries’ as they rose high above the drop ship, their fighter plane escort driving off or otherwise distracting the dive-bombing airships.

    When they flew just above the drop ship, Alex called out, “Thanks for the ride, boys!” He saluted, then spread his arms out wide and fell backwards…

    …only to hit yet another alien airship on his way down, sending him into a mad tailspin, curses shadowing him the whole way down.

    “Just bloody ONCE I wanna make it look dramatic, but nnnnooooooo, I ALWAYS hit everything and its MOTHER…I swear, the universe is out to get me. Well you know what I say to that? I say FU-“

    Tragically cut short in his flight, Alex cratered in the thick metal skin of the drop ship, leaving a perfect indentation of his body. Thankfully, he landed face down. Slowly picking himself up, Alex froze as he felt the barrel of a gun forcefully push his head down into the (admittedly now cushy) steel of the ship.

    “Alright, what the hell are ya? Name yerself before we waste ya, mate.” Alex gulped slightly as he felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise as a sound like iron filings being dragged towards a magnet filled the air.

    “Oh. Well, fuck.”